tirelesspursuit on Xanga

tirelesspursuit's Xanga Site

tirelesspursuit
read my profile sign my guestbook Message: message me Member Since: 1/11/2004

SubscriptionsSites I Read
Subscribe to tirelesspursuit Get trial subscription

Posting Calendar

\|<< oldest \| newest >>\|
view all weblog archives

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Ok, just because I want people to see this particular post am I revisiting Xanga. I have more friends on this site than the other, so hopefully you will all COMMENT. I wrote this post this afternoon (on my new blog site) and here I'm posting it now:

My brother's girlfriend is a fucking PSYCHOPATH!

Whew...I feel better. Now that that's out of the way I feel like I can write a rational, cohesive entry.

I got in a serious (serious doesn't describe it well enough...but maybe no word can) argument with Jessica (Matt's girlfriend) last night. For any who are unaware of their present situation, let me fill you in:

Jessica and Matt started dating right before I came home from Rochester this past May. A month into the relationship, she swore she was in love with him and was going to marry him. To me, this seems a little rash, but maybe it's not that uncommon in girls; I've never had a boyfriend that I actually cared about, so I don't know. Come the end of October, the two of them find out that she's pregnant. My brother's gonna be a daddy and I get to be an auntie! I was ELATED at the idea, and she and I would giggle and plan and daydream and make plans for the future like little girls playing house at school. All this while I heard of each and every upset between her and my brother, and I tended to side with her. Meanwhile my brother is growing weary of the situation, and beginning to break down. At present I see him as a broken man, no, a little boy who has been forced to grow up too quickly. And while I was completely optimistic when I first heard the news, now I can only pray and worry for the two of them and their unborn child.

Anyway, my argument with Jessica started over an insignificant difference of opinion. However, both of us are very stubborn people, and I think maybe something deep down inside of me has been trying to clue me in, from the very beginning, that she is NOT one of us, she's not like my brother and me. She belongs in the same category as my mother and sister, one of those emotionally unstable, irrational, conflict seeking people. So, after many months of trying to deal with her logically, trying to spell things out simply so she can understand how certain things just work a certain way, I blew up last night. There were so many things I could dissect right now, but there was one idea that has just been nagging at me all day, and I feel I need to share it.

My biggest argument all night was that Jessica needs to accept my brother for who he is, all the bad and the good. I figured since Jessica calls herself a Christian, this is definitely something she could identify with. But no, her response, "I don't have to accept anything or anyone I don't want to." At this point I was so fed up I threw back, "That's right, because then you'd be just like Jesus, and that would be horrible." We went back and forth for a while, her criticizing my knowledge of the Bible, saying that I can't argue about that sort of stuff until after I've reread the gospels. Bullshit. I may not have the whole freakin Book memorized, but I know parts of it very well, and I know Christian teachings and theology. Jesus "hung out" with the sinners. And it makes sense.

Part two of my argument fits in very nicely here. I told Jessica she needs to have more faith in people. And she argued that she needs faith in only one person (presumably Jesus, or God, or both). I said to her, "But don't you believe that there is a little bit of God in each of us? I mean, He made us in His image. I can't believe that that means we literally physically look like God. Don't you agree?" (A short nod followed). "So, if you have faith in God, and you can also find God in people, why shouldn't you have faith in people?" "You can't have faith in just people, Steph, because then you don't believe in God." "But wait a minute, I didn't say just in people. I think by putting all your faith in God, you therefore have faith in the good in people too. Because God is good, and he's in people. Therefore people must be at least partially good."

So, here's my question for anyone who reads this: Am I totally off base? I mean, I think that He is in everybody, whether you can see it or not. And for the people you can't see it in, what better way to show them Him than to be like Him yourself, by accepting them, even with all the bad. Maybe if you show people the Christ (or God if you're not Christian) in you, they will be able to recognize Him in themselves.

I guess what bothers me here is that I can't tell if Jessica's theology and philosophy differ so drastically from mine, or if she really can't grasp simple logic. I mean, really, this is the stuff you learn in school early on. If A implies B, and B implies C, then A implies C. There's no way around it. But she "disagrees" (her word). Either way, I think, it will make it impossible for her and my brother to have a good healthy relationship. At this point, I'm tempted to advise him to steer clear. That sounds harsh; I want him to be a good father and be involved with his kid as much as possible (I actually think he'd be better for the kid than she would), but if he can do that without living with her or marrying her, I think that's the best option. My brother and I are very close and I know he won't be able to survive her. He reminds me of Adam Sandler's character in Spanglish. And I don't want to see him ruining his life for some psychopath woman. He's only twenty. I know he made some choices with serious consequences, and he's dealing with him as best as he can, but he never gets to just blow off some steam or go crazy because she won't let him. I tried to point out her hipocracy to her, because she at least admits that she loses it sometimes, which Matt just puts up with. But she wouldn't accept it.

Ah well, maybe I care too much. In any case, I'm exhausted because unlike Jessica, I had to get up four hours after our argument ended to go to work. So, adios for now.

1:02 AM - 9 views - add eprops - 1 comment - email it

Thursday, December 01, 2005

	Xanga is dead...here's my new and improved blog: http://www.tirelesspursuit.blogspot.com Go there or be square.
	1:16 AM - 7 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Ok, just so I don't have to tell this story a million times, here is an AIM conversation between myself and Nicole about my rather...er...unusual weekend.

QweenSmac: hey there

illegally smooth: hey whats up

QweenSmac: not much

QweenSmac: you won't believe what happened to me this weekend

QweenSmac: lol

illegally smooth: waht happened

QweenSmac: i got stuck on a MOUNTAIN in a FOREST and had to be RESCUED

QweenSmac: lol

illegally smooth: what???????

illegally smooth: omg

QweenSmac: lol

illegally smooth: did u go rock climbing

QweenSmac: yup

illegally smooth: oh man

illegally smooth: howd u get stuck

QweenSmac: we had to hike two hours to get to the place we were climbing at

QweenSmac: and so, when it was time to go back, it was already like 6pm

QweenSmac: so in two hours it would've been dark--not a good thing

illegally smooth: ok so HOW did you get STUCK?

QweenSmac: so, (hippie) travis decided that we should take this shortcut that "the old man" (aka Daniel, the guy who was supposed to be able to introduce you to a celebrity, also the guy who taught Travis how to climb)

QweenSmac: had told him about

illegally smooth: ...

QweenSmac: so, we took it and got superduperlost

QweenSmac: we weren't on a trail or anything

QweenSmac: so we had to make our way through bushes that cut us up all over and ripped up our clothing etc

illegally smooth: was it just the two of you?

QweenSmac: and we hiked around for a few hours

QweenSmac: us and his girlfriend elissa

illegally smooth: ah ok

QweenSmac: so, it got dark (of course) and we got tired, so we found a clearing where he left me and elissa for a little bit (like an hour) and he went off to "look around"

QweenSmac: he finally came back w/o having found a trail, so we decided to go in the "general direction" of where we had come from originally

illegally smooth: o god

QweenSmac: but it was really hard cuz he only had one headlamp (which he wore) so it was hard to see in the dark

QweenSmac: and we were tired, etc.

QweenSmac: so we finally stopped on this rock that was like 4x2x6 feet

QweenSmac: and they decided we would "camp" there for the night

QweenSmac: mind you, we had no camping gear cuz we weren't supposed to be camping

QweenSmac: all he had was this "blanket" which was made of what looked like the inside of a potato chips bag

QweenSmac: so, i knew i couldn't sleep, so i didn't even try

QweenSmac: but then it got COLD

QweenSmac: so i tried to get under the blanket

QweenSmac: which also didn't work cuz it def. was not big enough for three people

QweenSmac: so, travis wakes up after a bit and the both of us sit there shivering for a while, chatting, laughing (we were sorta delirious at this point)

QweenSmac: there had been this animal that sounded like a cat crying all night long

QweenSmac: and travis heard it and for a second thought it was matt calling him

QweenSmac: and I was like, "you've gotta be kidding me. we're lost on a freakin mountain in the middle of freakin nowhere, and you're expecting to run into friends?"

illegally smooth: wow

QweenSmac: and we laughed it off

illegally smooth: haha lol

QweenSmac: so, ten minutes later, no joke, we hear matt calling travis's name

QweenSmac: lol

QweenSmac: it was the craziest thing ever

QweenSmac: it was like three in the morning and matt had called up the old man and (plaid) travis

QweenSmac: and plaid travis drove the two of them out there (matt had known where we were going, thank god), and waited at the car while matt and daniel hiked out there to find us

QweenSmac: lol

QweenSmac: it was like watching a search and rescue mission after that

QweenSmac: well, that's essentially what it was, so..yeah

illegally smooth: (T sahkes head)

illegally smooth: shakes

QweenSmac: anyway, we had to do a bunch of crazy stuff to get back to a normal place where we could just hike back

illegally smooth: jesus h. christ

QweenSmac: lol

illegally smooth: wow, i dont even know what to say

QweenSmac: so we didnt' even get back to the car until SEVEN IN THE MORNING

illegally smooth: thats insane

QweenSmac: the next day

QweenSmac: i know

QweenSmac: crazy

QweenSmac: esp. since i had left my house at 8 in the morning on sunday

QweenSmac: and then we had to drive home from there, so i wasn't back at my house until like 10am monday morning

QweenSmac: it was crazy

QweenSmac: and now my legs are all torn up

QweenSmac: and i have lots of bruises and bug bites

QweenSmac: and i'm sore

QweenSmac: but at least i have a neat story to tell

So yeah, that was fun. Except for the getting hurt and being cold and miserable part. But yeah, it was an adventure at least.

2:40 AM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Ok...this is starting to worry me. Everytime I take one of these personality disorder tests, this is the result I get:

You May Be a Bit Borderline ...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame!When you're up, you're a little bit crazy...And when you're down, your whole world is crashingScary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

What Personality Disorder Are You?

And this is just ridiculous...

Stephanie Michele MacAller's Aliases

Your movie star name: Goldfish Crackers Brandon

Your fashion designer name is Stephanie Edinburgh

Your socialite name is Princess Thundercloud Los Angeles

Your fly girl / guy name is S Mac

Your detective name is Tiger Westlake High School

Your barfly name is Granola Bar Martini

Your soap opera name is Michele Rosewood Court

Your rock star name is Snickers Hare

Your star wars name is Stebos Macdan

Your punk rock band name is The Pensive Can Opener

The Amazing Meganame Generator

iv>

11:01 PM - 12 views - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

I gave a homeless man about 64 cents tonight. I was over at Eastman to practice piano, so I stopped by Java's (they have the most AMAZING espresso drinks there) to get my usual single almond latte. Unfortunately, I didn't have the required $3.25, so I got myself a hot chocolate instead, which cost me $2.50. I went to sit outside and peruse my Bach book, when a bedraggled-looking man approached me and asked me if I had any change to spare; he was very hungry. "I only have a few cents," I told him, and proceeded to open my purse and fish out my last few coins, hiding at the bottom. I held out my hand and dropped the change into his. He thanked me warmly, and asked if he could sit down. I said "Sure," and gestured to the seat across the table from me. He began to count the change as he told a story about a woman who bought him dinner at KFC. "She bought me chicken, mashed potatos, and a coke. A small coke. You know, a small paper cup of pop. They let you get as much pop as you want there. They're real generous, ya know? Some fast food places are like that [here he dropped the pennies from my group of coins onto the ground]. It's real nice of them." The two of us carried on a lighthearted conversation, commenting on the nice weather recently, and how much we both enjoy Java's. I told him my story about not having enough money to buy a latte and he laughed and said, "You're poor too, eh?" I gave a half hearted laugh back and felt awkward. Just at that moment, another homeless man approached me and asked for some change. "I just gave it all away, I'm really sorry." He continued on without a word, asking the group of people sitting next to me the same question. All the while my friend was sitting there watching the guy get turned down time after time. He looked at me and said with disgust, "These other guys call themselves panhandlers. Pah, they don't know what they're doing. Idiots, they're all a bunch of dummies. You gotta be polite, talk to the people, and ask nicely. You don't just go around demanding money from people. He probably wants money for drugs. He probably does crack cocaine. They're all like that, asking money for drugs." He shook his head in disapproval. "My brothers were on the street for a while," I volunteered. "They had to do the same thing, ask for money." "Were they on drugs?" he asked. "Were they doing crack cocaine?" I shook my head. "What about marijuana?" I said I was sure they did a some here and there, but that they stopped eventually. "Oh, I'm glad to hear that for you. You must be real happy. Real happy. Cuz they're your brothers, ya know? You love them...with all...you love them with all....[he started coughing, probably from a mis-inhalation of the cigarette he was smoking] You love them with all you heart, your brothers. I'm so happy for you, that's great." I smiled at the stranger, nodding my head. Yes, I thought, I suppose I do love them with all my heart. The group next to us was quite rowdy the whole time, and someone suddenly addressed a young man in the group who called himself Jesus. The homeless man cocked his head up when he heard that smiled, and opening his blue eyes wide, said to me,"We're all going to see each other in heaven after we die. We'll all die, you know that. But we'll be in heaven because Jesus died for us, he did. And that's why we'll see each other in heaven someday." I smiled, and replied, "I sure hope so." By this point I had finished my drink and decided I should really go practice while I had time left. I bid my friend adieu, wished him well on his search for more money, and left. It was such a bizarre experience, and seemingly unimportant. But for some reason it really touched me.

I told my roommate this story and she looked at me with a weird smile on her face and said, "Awww...so you're not a complete bitch after all. There is still some hope for humanity in you." Heh. Thanks Britt.

12:30 AM - 1 view - 4 eprops - 2 comments - email it

Next 5 >>